“Birth partnership is the end of your intimate relations.
He won’t want you after he sees a baby coming out of the vagina.
Men are not created to participate in labor, it’s a woman’s job”.
I’m sure you’ve heard similar phrases from “cave” traditionalism lovers. However, in the modern world, a man can be a reliable assistant to a woman not only in conception, but also during pregnancy and, of course, childbirth. After all, a couple usually hunts for a “mammoth” together.
Fear and uncertainty are what really scares us and has a negative impact. But let’s take it one step at a time, since the topic covers a number of facts that a modern pregnant couple needs to know.
A conscious decision for birth partnership
The decision to “give birth together” will definitely have a negative impact on a man if this decision is made unilaterally, without prior discussion and explanation of all the details. Knowledge of our physiology is our power.
In their conversations with psychologists, men expressed fear of “seeing something” that would take away their sexual attraction to his woman forever.
To be honest, this is also our fault. After all, most of us still blush at the words “vulva” and “menstruation“. At the same time, some men and women do not know at all how the body and the reproductive system work. In this case, it is impossible to hope for a calm attitude towards blood, pushing and other physiological processes. This is another strong argument for the need for quality sex education on a national level.
The importance of partner involvement in pregnancy
Scientists in China conducted a study that found a close connection between the emotional state of a pregnant woman and subsequent complications in childbirth and the postpartum period.
Pregnant women with chronic stress were more likely to have premature placental abruption. Plus, pre-eclampsia (high blood pressure) and gestational diabetes were more often diagnosed in those who did not have a partner or were deprived of support during pregnancy.
Therefore, the partner’s emotional involvement during his woman’s pregnancy is significant, emotional involvement, not just “being there”.
So, the following things can help prevent the negative impact of partnered childbirth on a man:
Awareness of birth partnership
A woman can be accompanied in childbirth only by a man who has taken a childbirth preparation course, who has talked to a doctor or midwife and knows his role in the delivery room. Medical staff has long been trained to this kind of delivery, as it is a global practice. Doctors always try to coordinate everything so that the man and the pregnant woman feel safe. However, complications happen, and that is why the husband has to take courses for pregnant couples. He shouldn’t panic, but to help in case of complications.
The real state of the couple’s relations
Psychologists note that childbirth is a powerful marker of the state of a woman’s relationship with her husband. If a couple has exacerbated family problems or crisis turning points, childbirth can worsen the situation. In particular, it can cause new relapses, and after the birth, it can result not only in disgust towards the woman, but also in distance from the child. The woman responds to this by “immersing herself in the baby,” and the gap in the relationship only grows…
Informed consent
When a woman in labor arrives at the hospital’s emergency room, she is asked to sign a consent form for certain medical interventions. This is where a man who has taken a childbirth preparation course can help her get acquainted with the documents and sign all the papers faster. And the main thing: he can give the woman confidence that she is in a safe space.
Invitation to a birth partnership
That’s right, my dears. You have to invite him, explain why his participation will be the most important support for you, but no more. Invite him, give him time to think about it. And calmly accept a refusal if your husband is not ready for this.
And the crucial thing is your personal desire
Not every woman is ready to take their husbands to the labor. And this is not a reason to believe that something is wrong with your relations. I clearly remember the answer of Michel Odent, an ardent advocate of physiological childbirth, whether to take a man to delivery.
Have you ever seen a female invite a male to her labor?
Michel Odent
A man’s awareness
…that he accompanies his beloved woman in childbirth to help her through this experience, to serve her, not to control the doctors. In labor, it is essential for a woman to feel a safe space and to have people she trusts.
My course Preparing for Pregnancy will help you to get ready for the pregnancy in the best way possible. Detailed knowledge about preparing for childbirth and the first year of a baby’s life is in the course Pregnancy and the Postpartum Period – A Complete Guide.
I’m eager to file all of these courses in English, just send me a request to dr.silinaeducation@gmail.com.
You can always choose your doctor at the Lior Medical Center.
You can always find your doctor at the Lior Medical Center.
With love, your Natalia Silina,
gynecologist-endocrinologist,
UNICEF and UNFPA expert on sexuality education
